What if Adam Sandler was Reading This Right Now? Would He Laugh? Would He Cry?

Signs of spring
I get too hot when I’m eating soup
My SSRIs start working again
Winter left the air, but will the heart of my love be thawed?

Predictions for the 2021 MLB Season
Wally The Green Monster is going to fucking die
The Chicago Cubs will self-immolate as a team
They’re going to let dogs play this year
Mets will once again be the greatest sports team of all time
One of the stadiums will be haunted and it’s up to the Mystery TeensTM to find out who is behind this spooky scandal. It will be known as "The Sports Spookum."
I heard there's going to be a Free Gun Day at Coors Field
Mr. Met is going to get #MeToo’d
The Philly Phanatic Will Eat Every Pussy In Pennsylvania
They’re letting Mark Wahlberg play for the Red Sox
My older brother told me that he’s going to try and finger a girl at a Marlins game this year. I don’t believe he could do it, but it would be pretty cool if he actually did.
Sufjan Stevens will tenderly sing the National Anthem at the Cubs game.
My friend Eric says he got drafted for The Diamondbacks this year. I don’t believe him because he is 15 years old.

What is the Plague NFT?
Original character Fart Simpson, it’s Bart Simpson but he can’t stop farting
The first roommate listing on the NYC Facebook housing group, G*ps* Housing
WOODY! (The script to the musical about Woody Allen)
N (I) F (Be) T (Shitting)