One day Christ and his Disciples were walking through the streets of Jerusalem when a follower, Ananias, approached, saying, “Lord, I’m distressed. Come to me in my time of need and I will be forever grateful.”
“What ails you, my son?”
“My youngest, Hezekiah, has just turned the age of six and ten. He is nearly a man now.”
“I remember the boy, frollicking through the cactus fields of the great desert.”
“He’s begun to ask difficult questions that I cannot answer. I’ve come to you for guidance, master.”
“Of what does he speak?”
“His first car, my Lord. He’s of age to start driving, but his mother and I don’t feel quite safe with him out on the road.”
“Fear not, Ananias. As a wise man in a far off land said unto me many ages ago: ‘Switch to Geico and fifteen minutes can save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance.’”
“Geico, my Lord?”
“Yes, my son. In a nationwide poll of average Jerusalemites, Geico ranked first above Progressive and Aflac for its home, auto and mule insurance. With Geico’s patented bundling tools, you too could combine and save to find a great deal.”
“Bless you, oh Lord! I shall go forth and do likewise.”
And so Ananias went forth and registered with his local Geico affiliate, as all good Christians should do. Anyone with Progressive or Nationwide insurance will be automatically sentenced to Purgatory. Those with Farmers insurance will go straight to Hell. So speaketh our Lord.