Percy Jackson's Plagueist Past

Before young Percy was introduced to Camp Half Blood, he was first shown Camp Plague, the lesser known camp for demigod children. The camp was meant for the children of the Gods of Plagueism, which Plague followers argue is “way more legit than Greek mythology.”

Percy entered the camp to find four mansions lining the semicircle of cabins. “The four main Gods of the Plague,” Annabeth explained. The first large house was lined with feathers, slide whistles, and whoopie cushions. Annabeth remarked, “First up is the house of Becky, the patron mother of silly gooses. Do not say ‘silly geese,’ the campers do not like that.” The campers on the steps of this house were… dazed, to say the least. A noticeable fog settled over the front lawn and Percy’s nose perked up at the unusual stench coming from these campers. The campers engaged in what they called “bits” with Percy, but Percy didn’t laugh once. “They’ll leave to go to improv practice soon, don’t worry,” mentioned Annabeth, moving him away from this strange house.

The next house was even odder; it was rundown, with chipped paint, foggy windows, and trash littering the lawn. But when Percy approached a camper coming out of the house, he replied, “Are you crazy? It looks great. I think you’re seeing things.” Annabeth explained, “This is the house of Chad, god of gaslighting. Only house with all male campers. Stay away from all of them. Major red flag.” Percy could immediately see what she meant just by looking at the campers lounging outside; the men sported smudged painted nails, an assortment of rings, and clearly thrifted clothing that screamed, “I don’t have a bedframe.” He noticed the female Plague campers avoiding this house like, well… the plague. Annabeth pulled Percy away, clearly disturbed by this scene.

The third house was just as unsettling, as it was draped with a series of flags for Trump, Hilary, and… Jeb Bush? Percy could hear the campers talking over each other from a mile away. “House of Ben Shapiro, the patron God of problematic political takes. Don’t bring up immigration, the wage gap, the weather, all day McDonald's breakfast, the price of movie theater snacks, the existence of the female orgasm, or pretty much anything.” Percy had never seen so many teenagers in suits in one place before. The rules to devil’s advocate were painted on the front steps, and the words “cancel culture” seemed to echo through the house.

Annabeth took Percy to the lesser houses, reviewing the highlights. “Lucy, the patron mother of drugstore vibrators. This house uses all the camp’s power between 12-3am. Mel, the god of starting every conversation by complaining about how tired and cold you are. Cynthia, the god of asking people to pay you back for the Uber when you use your parent’s card.” With a sigh, Percy asked to go “back to Camp Half Blood. Or literally anywhere else.”